theGoose.org.uk

Amber Campisi Movies

2005-09-26T18:17:00.000+01:00

Movie 1
Movie 2
Movie 3
Movie 4
Movie 5

Part 1
Part 2

Back to Amber Campisi
Back to Babes@theGoose
Back to theGoose.org.uk

Summer Altice

2005-09-26T17:47:00.000+01:00

Summer Altice - Playmate Profile 151mb
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
You need all four parts.

Back to the Summer Altice galleries.
Back to Babes@theGoose
Back to theGoose.org.uk

Words

2005-09-26T17:37:00.000+01:00

grok GRAWK (verb) : to understand, especially in a profound and intimate way.

mrsGoose of the day

2005-09-26T16:23:00.000+01:00

Cyber Girl Lynne Kushnirenko

New Link Partner

2005-09-26T15:04:00.000+01:00

Kleets maar raak

Worth checking out

2005-09-26T14:42:00.000+01:00

Some nice, but NSFW, photography.

Heather Maria
Susan
Lia Milashka 1
Lia Milashka 2

Join in the fun

2005-09-26T14:16:00.000+01:00

"Attu and Yaikz have started a new project. It's called Braindepot and it's weblog for everybody, by everybody. It means that anybody can post over there and there will be nocensorship, I think, I hope.

On the site itself you can view login information and you can start posting. You can put up virtually anything. Your favorite recipes, pictures of your puppies, express your anger with something or someone or put up other photos you like. It can be anything. And yes, you too can post there. You can have free ad-space for your own website....

So I would like to ask you if it is possible to have link on your website to Braindepot."

2005-09-26T14:03:00.000+01:00

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen.

It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor, "I really am..... I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied

Brad Pitt - Shaping the future of the seaside?!

2005-09-26T13:48:00.000+01:00

All the colours of the rainbow :)
He's designed some of the most spectacular buildings of the modern age, now Frank Gehry - credited with almost single-handedly regenerating a Spanish city - has set his sights on a genteel English seaside town. So why have his plans split local opinion?

Most councils would jump at the chance of having "the world's greatest architect" design an iconic building in their city, especially when it comes with a free sports centre thrown in.

Brighton and Hove - which became a single city in 2000 - has done just that, having agreed in principle to a £290m Frank Gehry landmark right on the seafront. The fact that Gehry's friend, film star Brad Pitt, wants a hand in the design only adds to the glamour.

But the building, which could prove to be a bigger draw than the city's famous Royal Pavilion, has split opinion in this genteel East Sussex locale.

What is proposed is an indoor leisure centre, complete with three swimming pools, surrounded by 754 flats, 40% of which will be "affordable". More here

How to...

2005-09-26T13:42:00.000+01:00

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring beer.

Seinfeld quiz

2005-09-26T13:36:00.000+01:00

1. Which two characters were caught urinating in public?
A. Uncle Leo and Morty
B. Kramer and Mickey
C. George and Jerry
D. Newman and Kramer

2. Which two characters had the idea for a male bra?
A. Frank and Kramer
B. Morty and Kramer
C. Jerry and Uncle Leo
D. Newman and George

3. Which two characters acted "sick" for medical students?
A. Kramer and Mickey
B. Kramer and Newman
C. George and Jerry
D. Elaine and David Puddy

4. Which two characters joined forces to sell raincoats?
A. Kramer and Morty
B. Lomez and Kramer
C. George and Jerry
D. Frank and George

5. Which character had an illegal cable hookup?
A. George
B. Kramer
C. Elaine
D. Pam

Labour's army of consultants..

2005-09-26T13:32:00.000+01:00

....adds 1p to income tax
State spending on private consultants has soared to £2.5 billion, the equivalent of a penny in the pound on income tax, official statistics obtained by The Times reveal.

Figures from the Office of Government Commerce show that spending on consultants rose by 42 per cent last year from £1.76 billion in 2003-04. That is as much as it would cost to build 150 new hospitals or employ more than 100,000 nurses or 75,000 policemen. A taxpayer earning £40,000 is now contributing around £87 a year to private sector companies.

The increase comes as Whitehall tries to shed some 84,000 Civil Service jobs, and unions have complained that departments are paying more to have their work done privately — often by former civil servants. The disclosure, on the opening day of the Labour Party conference, also coincides with the revelation that Gordon Brown intends to reinstate civil servants to their pre-eminent position should he succeed Tony Blair at 10 Downing Street, reversing the Prime Minister’s reliance on political advisers. More here

Maxwell son faces final humiliation...

2005-09-26T13:28:00.000+01:00

in everything-must-go garage sale
Yesterday the youngest son of the late Robert Maxwell faced perhaps his greatest humiliation: opening up the family home to bargain hunters for an everything-must-go jumble sale. Kevin and Pandora Maxwell’s “garage sale” began at 7:30am at Moulsford Manor, near Cholsey in Oxfordshire, the 11-bedroom pile bought for the couple in 1994 by Mrs Maxwell’s father.

Faced with more than £3 million of debt and after several appearances at Oxford County Court this summer, the couple have sold the house for £2.5 million. They must be out by Friday. A vast and bewildering array of knick-knacks were offered to all comers.

The crowd of neighbours and car-boot sale aficionados who arrived at the crack of dawn found Robert Maxwell’s sporran and kilt, 25 separate Russian doll sets, a kayak, a rowing boat, Pandora’s red Mini Cooper, a large wooden door imported from Oman and small bags of rags at 20p a pop. More here

anyone seen Captain Bob.. bob...bob...bob..

The 6 Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

2005-09-26T08:16:00.000+01:00

The Doctor- because he says "Take your clothes off!"

The Dentist- because he says, "Open wide!"

The Milkman- because he says, "Do you want it in the front or back?"

The Hairdresser- because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"

The Interior Decorator- because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!"

The Banker- because he says, "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

2005-09-26T02:48:00.000+01:00

"The traffic here in New York City is terrible right now. There's a big summit coming up. In fact the current President of Afghanistan is in town, and his cab driver today was the former President of Afghanistan."
-Dave Letterman

2005-09-26T02:47:00.000+01:00

"President Bush called the rebuilding of New Orleans "one of the largest reconstruction efforts the world has ever seen."
If you don't count Cher."
-Jay Leno

Terms for Female Masturbation

2005-09-26T02:44:00.000+01:00

5 Digit Disco
Buzzing the honey hole
Backslappin' Betty
Bailing out the Gravy Boat
Beaver bashin'
Bouncing the bearded clam
Buffing the box
Buffing the jewel
Buttering up the whisker biscuit
Clam twiddlin' jamboree
Critter crammin'
Damming the beaver
Dialing "O" on the little pink telephone
Diddling miss daisy
Diggin' for clams
Digitis Erectus
Fingering the fountain
Flicking the minnow
Friday night lip service
Frosting the muffin of love
Giving yourself the finger
Going for the gooey duct
Impeaching Bush
Juicing the clam
Let your fingers do the walking
Lip smacking
Menage a'moi
Petting the kitty
Piddly Diddler
Playing the squeezebox
Pokin' the pie
Polishing the little pink pearl
Pumping the kooter
Punchin' the chipmunk
Reading in Braille
Riding the clitoris-sauras
Romancing thy own
Roughing up the suspect
Self-guided tuna boat tour
Smacking Jerry Garcia on the nose
Spanking Lucy
Stroking the newt
Ticklin' the taco
Tissue tickling
Twirling the pearl
Unbuttoning the fur coat
Warming the wrist rocket

2005-09-26T02:31:00.000+01:00

Bamboo plants can grow up to 36 inches in a day.

2005-09-26T02:29:00.000+01:00

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking female flies.

One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"

Previously on September 26

2005-09-26T02:17:00.000+01:00

1944: Airborne troops retreat from Arnhem
British and Polish soldiers withdrew from Arnhem last night south across the Rhine. Those still trapped in the Dutch town have surrendered, according to the Germans.

They had held the northern end of the bridge that crossed the Lower Rhine for nine days, the last three without water.

British reinforcements have not been able to secure the south bank of the river and a German counteroffensive has managed to take the town of Elst to the south of Arnhem.

The failure of the daring airborne operation designed to take the rivers Rhine, Waal and Maas and open the way for an Allied assault on Germany itself has ruled out an early end to the war.
More here

2005-09-26T02:01:00.000+01:00

from Shumpy

And, after all, Smokey knows best.

Danielle Gamba Movies

2005-09-25T14:05:00.000+01:00

Movie 1
Movie 2
Movie 3
Movie 4a
Movie 4b

Back to the Danielle Gamba galleries.
Back to Babes@theGoose.
Back to theGoose.org.uk.

Credit and thanks to the original finder of the movies.

2005-09-23T11:47:00.000+01:00

A spokesman for the 60's group The Animals, offered a public apology today.

Seems there ISN'T a house in New Orleans......

from George

What film?

2005-09-21T21:58:00.000+01:00

"The two by-products of that whole tragedy were, violence in entertainment, and gun control. And how perfect that that was the two things that we were going to talk about with the upcoming election. And also, then we forgot about Monica Lewinsky and we forgot about, uh, the President was shooting bombs overseas, yet I'm a bad guy because I, well I sing some rock-and-roll songs, and who's a bigger influence, the President or ****** ******? I'd like to think me, but I'm going to go with the President."

A breath of fresh air

2005-09-21T21:28:00.000+01:00

Gilberto signs Arsenal extension
Brazilian midfielder Gilberto Silva has signed a new contract with Arsenal which keeps him at the club until 2009.

The 28-year-old joined Arsenal from Atletico Mineiro in July 2002, shortly after playing in every minute of his Brazil's victorious World Cup campaign.

"You are a top bloke Gilberto, no chat, no bullshit, just football and loyalty."

Words

2005-09-21T13:49:00.000+01:00

perfervid pur-FUR-vid (adjective) : Very fervid; too fervid; ardent; marked by exaggerated or overwrought emotion.

2005-09-20T23:59:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday mrsGoose

Clarkson on the Aston Martin Vantage

2005-09-20T15:31:00.000+01:00

"With a body fashioned from the froth on a cappuccino, the Vantage could have been fast enough to fan a forest fire with its wake"

"..the Vantage was built using whatever the Aston engineers could get their hands on cheaply. As opposed to the 911, which was built using whatever took the Porsche engineers’ fancy." - read on

Nazi-hunter Wiesenthal dies at 96

2005-09-20T15:08:00.000+01:00

"I am someone who seeks justice, not revenge."
Holocaust survivor and Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal has died in the Austrian capital, Vienna, aged 96.

He was credited with helping to bring more than 1,100 Nazi war criminals to justice in the decades after the genocide of the Jews in World War II.

They included Adolf Eichmann, an architect of the Holocaust, and Franz Stangl, commandant of the Treblinka and Sobibor death camps in Poland.

His death was announced by officials at the US-based Simon Wiesenthal Center.

Mr Wiesenthal died in his sleep at his home, according to Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean and founder of the centre, which campaigns against anti-Semitism and other forms of intolerance. full story
Obituary
In Pictures
Memorable Statement

2005-09-20T15:05:00.000+01:00

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.

However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Words

2005-09-20T15:03:00.000+01:00

sitophobia sy-tuh-FO-bee-uh (noun) : morbid aversion to food

From Greek sito- (food) + -phobia (fear, aversion).

2005-09-20T15:00:00.000+01:00

"Al Gore gave a speech this week criticizing the Bush administration, really attacked him. And then Gore took questions from some of the other people waiting in line at Starbucks."
-Jay Leno

Fawlty Towers

2005-09-19T16:25:00.000+01:00

"Don't mention the war."
Today marks 30 years since the first episode of the legendary BBC sitcom was broadcast.

Fawlty Towers made its first appearance on BBC2 on 19 September 1975. It had a simple but clever premise.

"I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing."
Basil Fawlty, a frustrated, angry, short-tempered, super-snobbish misanthrope, is the very antithesis of the sort of person who should run a hotel, where a calm demeanour, winning smile, patience and a desire to make guests feel at home are the required attributes.

"A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed."
But run a hotel Basil does, the quaint Fawlty Towers, or, rather, he runs it jointly with his formidable wife Sybil, a woman who has the ability to exude the required superficialities but is monstrously vitriolic towards her husband.
more here
Fawltysite.net

2005-09-19T15:11:00.000+01:00

The 8 Qualitys Of A Perfect Husband

2005-09-19T15:02:00.000+01:00

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"

2005-09-19T15:00:00.000+01:00

Gossip

2005-09-19T14:48:00.000+01:00

Coldplay singer Chris Martin has banned his band's music from his home so his wife and daughter sneakily listen to it in the car?

Wife Gwyneth Paltrow confessed her husband doesn't like to hear his own records, but admits she and baby Apple listen to them when Chris isn't around.

She revealed: "It's sort of banned from our home. But when he's not around, we play it in the car."

mrsGoose of the day

2005-09-19T14:44:00.000+01:00

Maggie Grace

Lesbian romp

2005-09-19T14:33:00.000+01:00

Drug-dazed Kate Moss lay on a hotel bed [Claridges] with star pals Sadie Frost and Hollyoaks actress Davinia Taylor and spoke the words that would change their friendships forever

"Have you ever had sex with a woman?" purred the supermodel—gazing at Davinia as she slipped out of her party dress. "Well, why don't we do it right now?"

What film?

2005-09-19T14:28:00.000+01:00

"I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice."

2005-09-19T14:24:00.000+01:00

I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter.

When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, "Yeah, 5 .... 3 males and 2 females."

Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.

He answered, "It's easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone.

Words

2005-09-19T12:42:00.000+01:00

ersatz er-ZAHTS; ER-zahts (adjective) : Being a substitute or imitation (usually, an inferior article instead of the real thing); artificial

The Sphincter Police

2005-09-19T12:20:00.000+01:00

This Sphincter Police website was born out of the realization that there is a vast group of individuals suffering from Sphincter Police disorder. Some might say it was too early toilet training which led to overly tight sphincters. Others might say that people afflicted with this "disorder" are control freaks, or anal retentives or obsessive compulsives who want to be contagious.

The disorder can manifest in many forms, including:

Lawn police, who tell you how long your grass should be, and that you can't grow weeds or wildflowers.

Neighborhood fascists who tell you what color to paint your house.

Teachers and administrators who force kids who don't sit like zombies to be on Ritalin.

Dress code sphincter police.

Neat nuts who clean ashtrays with each flick of the ash (I don't smoke, but they are out there.)

Sphincter Police.com

Dog Bumper

2005-09-19T12:15:00.000+01:00

US Patent Issued In 1977
Hey, if you're a lousy driver, you have a seat belt and air bags to protect you. But your poor pooch could do a little indoor flying if you hit the brakes hard in a hurry. So let's keep everyone in the vehicle safe with the new dent resistant Dog Bumper. Made of dense foam and strapped on via Velcro, the Dog Bumper will help your canine companion keep his ribs and chest injury free the next time that tree jumps out in front of you. Look out!

America's Goofiest Patents!

Dear Santa,

2005-09-19T09:03:00.000+01:00

The Turd Twister is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs, and it comes with a hilarious instruction manual. It's the Ultimate Gift for the person who has everything, including a "twisted" sense of humor!

Facts on Farts

2005-09-19T08:52:00.000+01:00

Why do farts come out of your butt?

The butt is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a fart is an escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not Crinoids. The Crinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is located next to its mouth.

via Facts on Farts

Ashley Mulheron

2005-09-18T14:50:00.000+01:00

Tiffanys big sister :)

Previously on September 18

2005-09-18T09:41:00.000+01:00

1970: Rock legend Hendrix dies after party
Guitarist Jimi Hendrix has died after collapsing at a party in London.

Police say there was no question of foul play. A number of sleeping pills were found at the house in Notting Hill Gate and they have been taken away for analysis.

Hendrix, 27, was born in Seattle, Washington, but rose to fame in Britain with his band the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

He will be remembered as a key figure in the music world who transformed electric guitar-playing using distortion, feedback and sheer volume to create a revolutionary new sound. more here

Lance Armstrong Searched

2005-09-17T10:03:00.000+01:00

PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time.

Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France. The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as saying "We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong and found several other interesting items that they had never seen before, including a backbone and testicles.

cheers Shumpy

Tiffany Mulheron

2005-09-17T09:18:00.000+01:00

See a bit more of Tiffany here.

2005-09-17T09:05:00.000+01:00

'Halle has great boobs'

2005-09-17T08:32:00.000+01:00

Sexy singer Charlotte Church has revealed she loves Halle Berry's boobs.

The Welsh party girl told Star magazine: "Her t**s are bloody fantastic. I saw them in a film the other week."

The Welsh songstress added that someone else who looks great in the nude is... her.

She said: "I think I look pretty good naked.

"I've got to flaunt it a bit now because it's all going to sag eventually."
The Sun

Short shelf life of celebrity marriage

2005-09-17T08:28:00.000+01:00

Actress Renee Zellweger's four-month marriage to US country singer Kenny Chesney is one of several short-lived celebrity nuptials.

She is seeking an annulment after a whirlwind romance led to an equally short marriage.

Other short lived celebrity marriages include..

Previously on September 17

2005-09-17T08:24:00.000+01:00

1944: Airborne invasion of Holland begins
Allied forces have landed behind enemy lines in Holland at the beginning of a massive operation designed to bring an end to the war in Europe.

RAF Lancasters and about 1,000 US Flying Fortress bombers had prepared the way by attacking airfields, German gun positions and barracks.

At noon today, thousands of fully equipped troops parachuted down from more than 1,000 aircraft into the Rhine delta and behind enemy lines. more here

2005-09-17T08:18:00.000+01:00

10 things we didn't know..

2005-09-17T08:04:00.000+01:00

..this time last week.
1. The herb rocket (aka roquette, arugula and rucola) was widely grown in English kitchen gardens in the 1600s.

2. Former Labour MP Oona King's aunt is agony aunt Miriam Stoppard.

3. Britain produces 700 regional cheeses, more even than France.

4. More slave-labourers died working on the Nazi's V2 rockets than were killed by them in attacks.

5. Camberwick Green's creator Gordon Murray destroyed the original models in a bonfire after the last transmission.

6. Dame Helen Mirren loves snorkelling.

7. Bob Dylan first visited Britain - in 1962 - to take part in a BBC play. more details

8. Inmates at the Buchenwald concentration camp staged a version of the Agatha Christie play now known as And Then There Were None. more details

9. Since the 1970s, the number of strong hurricanes around the world has doubled. more details

10. Sensitive hacking equipment could tell what words are being typed on a keyboard by analysing the unique sounds made by each key.

2005-09-17T00:46:00.000+01:00

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast ?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.

You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.

Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

thanks Greg

2005-09-17T00:31:00.000+01:00

"Disney has opened up its first theme park in China. 10,000 children showed up on opening day and that was just to make the t-shirts."
-Conan O-Brien

Words

2005-09-17T00:30:00.000+01:00

zabernism ZAB-uhr-niz-uhm (noun) : the misuse of military power; aggression; bullying.

After Zabern, German name for Saverne, a village in Alsace, France. In 1912, in this village, a German military officer killed a lame cobbler who smiled at him.

Blimey

2005-09-17T00:27:00.000+01:00

Leonard da Vinci was the first to record that the number of rings in the cross section of a tree trunk reveal its age. He also discovered that the width between the rings indicates the annual moisture.

And you thought he was just crime busting turtle!

Pink Slams Fur Wearing Stars...

2005-09-17T00:23:00.000+01:00

Pink has slammed Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé for wearing fur.

Speaking at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals 25th anniversary gala in Los Angeles, the feisty singer branded Jennifer "J Bitch" and urged the audience to boycott anything to do with J-Lo.

She then took a thinly-veiled swipe at Beyoncé's curvy behind, saying: "She's got a big button... let's push hers."

2005-09-17T00:19:00.000+01:00

Model Nell McAndrew is announced as the female winner of the Rear of The Year Award 2005 at Carlton Tower Hotel, London.
© Copyright PA Photos Ltd 2005

Words

2005-09-17T00:17:00.000+01:00

hendecasyllabic hen-dek-uh-si-LAB-ik (adjective) : having eleven syllables

From Latin hendecasyllabus, from Greek hendekasyllabos, from hendeca- (eleven), from hen, neuter of heis (one) + deka (ten), + syllabic.]

2005-09-17T00:09:00.000+01:00

A guy went out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.

He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"

She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."

He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

2005-09-17T00:02:00.000+01:00

"We must stop talking about the American dream and start listening to the dreams of Americans."
- Max Beerbohm

2005-09-15T13:10:00.000+01:00

Q: Before this test series, who was the last to fuck the Aussies and bring back the Ashes?

A: Paula Yates.

2005-09-14T11:50:00.000+01:00

Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.

2005-09-14T11:39:00.000+01:00

Give the people not hell, but hope and courage.
- John Murray

2005-09-14T00:45:00.000+01:00

A kid asks his dad if can he have a bike. The dad says: "No way - we've a hundred grand mortgage to pay and we're already struggling just with that."

The next morning the dad finds the kid, with suitcase in hand, at the front door. "Where are you going son?" he says.

The son tearfully replies: "I'm leaving cos I walked past your room last nite and heard you say you were pulling out and mum said she was coming too and I'm not staying here on me own with a hundred grand mortgage and no bike."

2005-09-13T21:16:00.000+01:00

Poor old Badger caught Crabs recently and couldn't face a trip to the clinic so he took matters into his own hands (as usual).

Words

2005-09-13T20:58:00.000+01:00

gloppen glop en (verb) : to surprise, or be surprised; to worry or be worried

From glopnen to be frightened, frighten.

Useless info

2005-09-13T20:53:00.000+01:00

"Grateful Dead" - It refers to when one came across a dead person who was not buried because of a debt. The traveler would pay off the debt, and it would be believed that the dead would come back as an animal to help the person.

2005-09-13T20:50:00.000+01:00

"The New York Yankees have unveiled plans for a new stadium to be built in 2008. Much like this years Yankees the stadium will be expensive and collapse in June."
-Conan O'Brien

What film?

2005-09-13T20:47:00.000+01:00

A: Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one, whew.
[Takes a drink from the bucket]

B: We don't have a cow. We have a bull.

A: I'm gonna brush my teeth.

Here we go again

2005-09-13T20:30:00.000+01:00

From: xxxxxxxxx@aol.com
Mailed-By: aol.com
To: the.goosie@gmail.com
Date: Sep 13, 2005 7:05 AM
Subject: inquiry

Will you please remove my photos from your site?

Thank You

Danielle Gamba

Letterman handyman gets 10 years

2005-09-13T20:24:00.000+01:00

A man accused of plotting to kidnap David Letterman's son has been sent to jail for 10 years on lesser charges.

Kelly Frank, 43, was sent to prison for overcharging the TV talk show host for painting work at his Montana ranch.

It was part of a plea agreement that saw prosecutors dismiss more serious charges in exchange for a jail term.

Frank apologised in court for "the grief this has caused" but denied he ever intended to kidnap Mr Letterman's son Harry Joseph and the child's nanny.

Mr Letterman did not attend any of Mr Frank's court appearances. more here

Dutch stray cat found in Plymouth

2005-09-13T20:18:00.000+01:00

A stray cat found wandering the streets of Plymouth turned out to be hundreds of miles from her home - in Holland.

Vets hoped it would be easy to reunite the cat, which they named Sybil, with her owners because she had been implanted with an identity chip.

They were astonished to discover that the cat was registered to owners in the northern Dutch port of Den Helder.

The 10-year-old cat, whose registered name is Ceefa, was handed in to the local PDSA PetAid Hospital last Friday.

Vets rang the telephone number of the cat's owners in Holland, but got no reply, leading them to suspect they had probably moved to the UK. more here

Smiths hang in National Gallery

2005-09-13T20:14:00.000+01:00

A picture of influential pop band the Smiths, taken by photographer Stephen Wright 20 years ago, is to hang in the National Portrait Gallery in London.

The photo, used for the inside gatefold of the 1986 album The Queen is Dead, shows the four members of the band outside the Salford Lads Club.

The club has since become a Mecca for fans of the band, who split in 1987.

"I never anticipated that one of my photographs would still be being talked about after 20 years," said Wright

2005-09-13T20:03:00.000+01:00

Clarkson flanned

Custard chucking, and no sign of Badger!?

Dear Santa,

2005-09-13T19:56:00.000+01:00

The Maybach Concept Excelero at the 61th International Auto Show IAA in Frankfurt, Germany . The car is powered by a 12-cylinder bi-turbo engine and produces 700 HP.
© Copyright PA Photos Ltd 2005

PS. Santa, could you send one of these to Convict

2005-09-13T19:54:00.000+01:00

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
-Harold Whitman

Words

2005-09-13T19:52:00.000+01:00

abulia uh-BOO-lee-uh; uh-BYOO (noun) : Loss or impairment of the ability to act or to make decisions.

Abulia derives from Greek a-, "without" + boule, "will." The adjective form is abulic.

Ashes update

2005-09-13T19:49:00.001+01:00

The Ashes victory parade in London had to be suspended at lunchtime because of badlight.

2005-09-13T19:49:00.000+01:00

Q: Did you hear about the Irish Kamikaze pilot?
A: He flew 57 missions.

Q: What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?
A: It gets wet.

2005-09-13T19:43:00.000+01:00

Man of the series

2005-09-12T23:42:00.000+01:00

Shane Warne
"I just don't know how he keeps himself motivated, but playing against the Poms sure gets him fired up.

England put him on the map back in 1993 when he got Gatting with 'that' ball, and he just loves playing against them.

Batsmen must have a plan and not fall into the trap of letting him read them.

He knows what goes on inside their heads and that's why he's got the most wickets in Test history - as well as having a great action." Dean Jones

Averages - 2005 Ashes
Batting
Matches 4 Innings 8 Not out 0 Runs 249 Highest score 90 Average 31.12
Bowling
Overs 176.5 Maidens 29 Runs 551 Wickets 28 Average 19.67

2005-09-12T21:51:00.000+01:00

Paul Weller
The sun came out & hung above
Over our heads but far enough to see
A bomb exploding in another town
Children choking on a poison cloud
While on the streets, where lovers once walked,
Side by side in idle talk
Bullets fall like unholy rain
People change as the panic sets in -
A frightened baby by her dead mother's side
In a brutal world where there's nowhere
To run, hide or cry -

Now nothing feels the same way -
Feels like it's changing again -
Upon a street with no name
It's hard to find it again -

I ran as fast as my feet could fly
Down country lanes where I took my time-
Time like a hound snapping at my heels
I got past thinking so I could feel -
Feels like a film playing in my head
And I kept rolling down green Surrey hills -
In Spring-

Now nothing feels the same way
Feels like I'm changing again
Upon a street with no name
It's hard to find me again -
The sun came out & hung above, over our heads
but far enough to see
Whirlpools End

2005-09-12T21:13:00.000+01:00

I would like to thank all my cyber friends for their kindness and support.
theGoose will be back to "normal" soon :)

Australia. gotta love 'em

2005-09-12T18:36:00.000+01:00

"If anyone knows why these two shouldn't wed.."

Crime doesn't pay after all

2005-09-12T18:25:00.000+01:00

You send all you unsavoury and undesireable characters to a land down under for punishment and they start acting up and, true to heritage, come back steal the family silver. We'll crime doesn't pay in the end and we have both our tropheys back. Good old England. (plus a some others, Geraint Jones, a beautiful English name :)

Come on England

2005-09-12T18:15:00.000+01:00

We won back the Web Ellis trophy

Now we have The Ashes back

Still not resigning Sven???

Listening to the "voices" and...

2005-09-12T18:12:00.000+01:00

2005-09-12T18:07:00.000+01:00

Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully slipped into the U.S.

The first spy starts speaking in Arabic.

The second spy shushes him quickly and whispers:

"Don't blow our cover..............................

You're in America now. Speak Spanish."

from the one and only, Shumpy

...missed her period...

2005-09-12T18:05:00.000+01:00

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the girls father who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again."

cheers Greg

Water, the pro's and con's

2005-09-12T18:02:00.000+01:00

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.

Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or

Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects.

cheers Greg

Worthy of a post

2005-09-12T17:59:00.000+01:00

Rhyming Slang: Cricket Failure = Australia
Major Chalmondly ffucks

Pudding chuckers! Is Badger involved?

2005-09-12T17:56:00.000+01:00

Pudding throwers battle for prize
Spectators and competitors gathered at a pub in Greater Manchester on Sunday for the annual World Black Pudding Throwing Championship.

The competition was being held at the Royal Oak in the village of Ramsbottom, near Bury, for the third time.

The event was saved in 2003 after the previous venue - the Corner Pin pub in nearby Stubbins - closed down.

Contestants aim to knock some Yorkshire puddings off a ledge 20ft (six metres) up the pub wall with a black pudding.

Ashes update

2005-09-12T11:27:00.000+01:00

According to Graham Gooch, "Shane Warne is short of a good length."
Now we know why his wife left him.

The Ashes

2005-09-12T03:57:00.000+01:00

Its all down to the last day.

2005-09-11T07:05:00.000+01:00

The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth is called Arachibutyrophobia.